Monday, May 17, 2010

camping can be nice


Sorry I've been away from blogging for a few days, but I've gotten caught up in a surprising amount of end of the semester activity. Aside from the usual rush of grading and meeting with students, my dear friend Bootsie was in town which was quickly followed by a visit from my mother. Their visits were wonderful especially because I got to celebrate a little bit of news with them - I got engaged.

Now hold your horses with comments full of glee and joy. It's not that I'm not absolutely overjoyed and filled with glee myself over the promise that the kindest and sweetest man I've ever met wants to marry little ol' me, but I'm just bashful in what follows in the sharing of such news. Let me explain.

The man took me on my very first camping trip a few weeks ago. One of my best friends, Ruby, and one of his as well as their equally as loved significant others joined us on this city girl's first experience sleeping in the great outdoors. And it was wonderful. The fire. The burnt popcorn. Watching a boy scout troop who set up camp near by. Relishing in how dark and quiet it got to be at night. Taking a nap with Ruby, but really listening to a light rain tap against the tent. Being in my bf's element and loving how happy it made him. All that would have made for an amazing weekend, but it was also on this trip in which he decided to ask me to marry him.

After hiking up a mountain (I'm pretty sure this was a test and it seems as if I passed even though halfway up I had to hand him my pack to carry) and snacking on the sweetest of tangelos and the most refreshing gulps of water from an actual canteen, my bf asked if anyone wanted to climb the little fire tower/observatory to look at the view from an even higher point. Since all were in the know, no one seemed interested other than me.

And so that's where he asked. Actually, that's where I answered (and started to cry) before he got the words out. It was so beautiful and special and when we looked down at our friends and he yelled down my answer - they blew party horns that were carried in a backpack all the way up the mountain, hidden under granola bars, hidden from me.

So this leads me to why I am bashful in all of this. I love my story. I love this man. But all that is to follow makes me uncomfortable. I'm at ease with him and in marrying him, but this thing, this wedding thing with all its details and planning feels like a monster. How do I plan a wedding that is within our very modest budget that feels like its about us? How do I also do this thing without making it all about ME, the monster bride, and not also about all the people that we love and love us? Despite how it may otherwise appear on a blog in which I tend to ramble about myself more than my fellow Hiving Outers, I am not a girl who handles the generosity of the spotlight well. I prefer the humbling space of the background, the one who gives attention and not gets it.

So this is the state I'm in - engaged and overwhelmed with the love and attention that comes with it. I know I'm not the only shy girl out there who's gotten married so if you've got any advice on how to embrace center stage - I'd love to hear that. And thanks for reading my extra-long, long overdue announcement too! (And I feel so lucky that I kept my complaining about that killer hike to a minimum...)

5 comments:

  1. Oh you know how I feel about this. But unless you want to scrap the whole thing and run off to the beach, I can't help you with the shy girl in the spotlight thing.

    I can help you with the budget thing, because you have my services in any sort of craft, sewing, or otherwise creative/handmade endeavor that might help make your wedding beautiful and inexpensive. I mean it.

    I was wondering if you'd tell your HO fans, and now you have!

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  2. Awesome-Sauce!

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  3. Awesome-Sauce indeed....could not have happened to a nicer couple!

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  4. ok srsly, best proposal story ever. i have major goose bumps.

    so from one very shy girl to another... you're just going to have to roll with it. it's weird at first, but you'll get used to it and slowly start to realize that all that attention really just equates to a whole lotta love. you're the BRIDE. you can have the tiniest, most humblest of weddings, but you'll still be the belle of the ball. and come wedding day, you'll be so overwhelmed by so many different emotions that you won't have time for your shyness to take over.

    on that note, i have to be honest and say that planning a wedding CAN be a total monster... if you let it. i felt the best way to deal with this was to rely solely on my intuition. it's not at all selfish to say, "this is mine and mr. vivi's wedding and we're going to do it the way we want". i think the hardest part for me was feeling like people were trying to sway me in different directions with their advise. once i put my foot down and said, "this is the decision we've made and it's final", the planning got a lot easier. just know that you can't please everyone and as many opinions as they may have, really the only thing they care about is being able to celebrate this special moment with you. one thing blogs never tell you is that being engaged is not all bells and whistles; it can be very hard. but once you get through it... being MARRIED is a piece of cake. ;)

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  5. Such an amazing story! Thank you for sharing....sounds like you've got a truly great guy on your hands!

    Enjoy the entire process leading up to the big day and relish in the attention, even if it is against every grain in your body. It is so funny to think that I am the complete, polar opposite...I would be all about "me, me, ME!!!" throughout it all, shoving elderly relatives out of the way so as not to infringe on my "shot", and would probably buck tradition and give my own speech just to have some more of the limelight :)

    -JK

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